On That Short Break
This is my first entry here in almost a week, and while I don’t feel as though any explanation is owed, necessarily, that does not preclude me entirely from sharing. It was my birthday over the last weekend, and I made the editorial decision to prioritise that time with my friends over keeping up this largely self-enforced obligation of writing. As I’ve mentioned in previous pieces, in the past, straying from a habit I’ve created, much less a good one like this, is not something that comes to me easily. The way my brain paints it is that if I do break the habit for any period of time, that’s it. I’ll never return to it.
Now, I’ve come to give less credence to such wild statements from my subconscious, which is what made my decision to pause for a beat even easier. Not to mention, I was near certain that I would, at some point soon after stopping, pick up the habit of writing once more, as I am so joyfully proving to myself right now. In fact, this may have been more of a boon than I originally recognised, insofar as now I can develop a healthier attachment to and relationship with my writing, having the confidence in knowing that if I should, for any reason, need to step away for a while, I can trust myself that I will come back to it.
Of the actual time I spent with my friends, to change the subject, that didn’t go entirely how I imagined it. With the day or two between me and the events in question and the newly formed gift of hindsight, I can say with reasonable confidence that what happened was good for me. Without delving too much into the details, I now have a much more healthy relationship with alcohol. Thankfully, nothing detracted from the larger fact that it was a joy to see my friends again, some of whom I haven’t seen in several months. I hadn’t thought much at the time, though, about the fact that the same is to be true very soon.
I will be spending the next six months, at least, away from my friends. Away from any scrap of social life I have cultivated, really. I have been thinking of how best to deal with that and, in all honesty, I don’t have an answer. There will be a major opportunity to develop new social connections this fall, and there is significance there that ought not to be discounted. But, there are months between now and then, and a lot of work to be done with myself to make sure I’m more comfortable approaching those types of social situations. Besides that, there is more to be done, more that is within my interest to do. It’s vague, but I know I have to begin tackling the future and my plans for it. I need to make a lot of nebulous things clear, and add some certainty to my life before I run out.