On Sewing a Button
There is a simple order of steps that go into completing a task. At the nexus of these is the idea, that pure notion of something to be done to improve, in some small way, the state of things. Often considered the easy part, I never placed much value in coming up with an idea or being presented with one. More insidiously than that, my hyper-judgmental way of thinking has always revelled in picking problems and flaws in that defenceless idea, which brings us to the second step, consideration. The stage in which I give an ounce of thought, if I’m feeling generous, to what would need to be done – usually what would need to be done by me – to see through the realisation of this idea.
This can be justly landmarked as the step at which I give up. Sometimes, I allow myself the luxury of attempting to rationalise this surrender, to make an argument that following through wouldn’t be the thing to bring me the most joy, that the problem is one that doesn’t need to be solved by me – or, better yet, doesn’t need to be solved at all. Such is the mantra of the procrastinator. Literally, ‘deferring until tomorrow’ – music to my ears, and another leak in the boat of my sinking guilt, which feels so real I often wish it were only a metaphor. If, by some miracle of miracles I weather this stage of consideration, it is then a plan starts to form. More likely than not, it starts off a grand and quixotic plan, placing far too much faith in my ability to carry it out, before being quickly whittled down into the plan of least resistance. Even when I’ve promised that I will do myself the honour of voluntarily expending some effort, the agreement is only ever for the bare minimum. Anyway, it’s at this point where things pick up some pace in the process, or at least feel like they do.
Not before long, then, if all goes according to plan, I’m doing the thing. Hallelujah. So rarely have I, in recent memory, gotten to this step that I’m lost for an example. I’m sure one will come to me sooner or later, no point in wasting effort and some precious seconds in thinking of one. Now, I’ve been quite self-deprecating in detailing this admittedly short thought process. And that has been only at the expense of poor humour on my part and trying to find some areas to work on for myself. But, more importantly, this whole, 500-word exercise has been a cathartically meta journey in doing something, not least because it came to be as a result of a whole other thing I did. And even though it took me an hour to sew a button onto that pair of trousers, it’s still, in a sad-but-maybe-kinda-inspiring way, something that makes me proud.
This is the first entry in what I plan on being a daily blog. The topics will be just as varied and random as I want them to be, and of extremely differing qualities in writing - I am promising bad jokes and zero consistency. See you tomorrow.