On Pleasure I Don't Want

It’s hard. I don’t know if I have enough to say on this topic to fill out the typical length of one of these entries, but I’ll try. What I’m here to talk about today is something I do that really messes with my mind. That is, I do things I know will give me pleasure, but that I don’t particularly want to do at that moment. This can, though not necessarily, extend to that act bringing me less pleasure in the future, but even without this effect, it’s a habit I’d definitely like to break. For the purposes of this piece, I will be referring to the feeling as ‘pleasure’; it sounds a little weird, but in comparison to the alternatives of ‘happiness’ or ‘serotonin-producing’, I feel it most accurately expresses the sentiments I feel and am trying to avoid.

I’ll give an example: food. My palate can be reasonably described as that of an eight-year-old. If I were to defend it, which I hardly think is worth the energy, I’d say that I’m comfortable enough knowing things I like, and don’t feel the need to venture into the unknown, but I digress. The point is – the food I eat is not good for me. But it’s delicious. And so I often find myself, then, eating food that I unequivocally think tastes good for no reason other that. What makes this whole exercise that much more frustrating is that before doing so I will lose the same argument in my mind. It goes a little something like this:

‘I think I saw some chocolate in the fridge earlier – I’m going to eat it.’

‘I don’t really want to eat chocolate right now.’

‘Yeah, but it’ll taste good.’

‘I know it will taste good, but that’s not the point. I can’t just keep doing pleasurable things I don’t want to!’

‘We already had this argument yesterday, and we ended up eating the chocolate. You know we’re going to do it again now, so why resist?’

‘Fine.’

Now, for the analysis of my “point, evidence, analysis”. The way I see myself being able to disable this behaviour as a habit is to do my best to resist the urge just one time. If I do that, my reasonable side can, in that demonstrated argument, show proof that there is another option, one that’s just as valid. Then the more self-control I show, the more I can do it in the future – the growth is exponential. This is not to say breaking any cycle or habit is easy in the short or long term, but it is always possible. And in my case, rarely as difficult as I make it out to be. I ought to be grateful that I am even aware of this mental debate, because the alternative would be general ignorance in which I continued this ultimately negative behaviour without any end in sight. So, yes it’s frustrating, but it’s the tool I need. If there’s a lesson in that, I’m too dumb to pick up on it.