On My Relationship With The Future
I’m baaaaack! It’s been a while – definitely too long – since I last wrote anything for this website. Consider this, though, a soft return. I want to taper my expectations and make this as sustainable a project for the future as possible, so I’ll start off with weekly instalments. Perhaps a little longer than they used to be, but, I just definitely want to be back here on a regular basis. This blog served two purposes I outlined several times during my first run: it provided an outlet through which I could regularly exercise my writing muscles, and it also gave me a space to talk about anything that had been on my mind. That being said let’s start.
My relationship with the future has changed, somewhat. To boil it down as simply as I can, it is now something I take more seriously, but it’s equally – and possibly oxymoronically – something about which I spend less time worrying. Another thing I spent plenty of time discussing in my original pieces is the various ways in which this year has been much more exciting and complicated than I thought it would be. Complicated though it may have been, I think it’s exactly what I needed.
The best way I can describe my new attitude is a healthy balance between complacency and work. The former relates mostly to the smaller worries that I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about. Those ranged from how I would be spending every minute of my day, to the connections I would have wherever I was. Okay, those are, admittedly, still big-ish issues. I have, though, found solutions in a few different places. In terms of what I would be spending my time doing, I’ve settled upon the seemingly realistic conclusion that my default setting would be watching as many movies as possible, practising some form of creative or generally long-form writing, and going on absurdly long walks. Those are – mostly – translatable, and therefore a weight off of my chest. My recent time in New York was an immense help in finding a way out of my various social issues – I barely cracked the surface, but I did learn some important things.
Firstly, I just grew as a person. I met new people, tried new things, and expanded my social circle to a comfortably larger diameter. Equally as important, though, I realised my various social shortcomings in a bit more detail. That seems to have been my theme for this year. Anyway, I know that the more these boundaries reveal themselves within me, the more accurately and securely I am able to construct my future in a way that works best for me.
On the subject of the work side of ‘complacency and work’, I have also come to terms with the aspects of my life to which I have to pay close attention, and spend time making sure are as perfect as it is within my ability and attention span to create. So far, I’ve been able to distil that into two tenets: where am I going to be, and what am I going to be doing? These questions become less about their answers as I learn about them, but instead how I am able to best implement those answers in my life moving forward.
Apologies if my writing is a bit more incoherent and less polished than it used to be – I’m sure with more regular entries I’ll get back to my old level. And better, I hope.