On My Eventful Year So Far and to Come

I’ve alluded a few times here to the fact that I left university – something I in no way regret doing, but in lieu of coming up with a proper idea for an entry, I thought I’d explain why a bit. I started university in London in September of 2021, to study a course entitled ‘Arabic and World Philosophies’. It was something I kinda thought I wanted to study – I like learning languages enough, I’ve had experience in the Arab world, and my old philosophy teacher was amazing. Not the greatest combination of reasons, as I would come to realise. When I first applied, I was doing so under the delusion that I would apply to Oxford and magically get in. As a result, I didn’t put much thought into what my four other options would be, which turned out to be a huge, fantastic mistake. I didn’t get it, clearly, and so decided on going to study in London, a city I’ve long wanted to live in, at a school known for the course I had chosen.

That small misstep aside, things seemed to be looking up. A quick note on my sociability before I continue: I occasionally suffer from extreme social anxiety; so much so that it took me almost four years to make good friends at a five-year boarding school where all you do is spend time with people. I once again let myself be deluded, this time into thinking that once university started, all that would change, and I would become the gregarious life of the party I’ve always expected myself to be. Obviously, that didn’t happen, and coupling that extreme social failure with a course I really didn’t seem to be enjoying, I was pretty certain I wanted to drop out, and so after New Year’s, I did. My mum doesn’t like the crudeness of putting it like that, but I feel it most accurately reflects what it was and feels like. I dropped out, and that’s fine.

To sort out my life after this relinquishing of a commitment, my mum came over to London to help me navigate the now unoccupied time that lay before me. Then, as strange luck would have it, I went through a fairly serious but ultimately benign medical event. That drew focus away from planning, and gave me some much needed time to think. My dad organised some travel once I was given the all-clear, and that was certainly a fun and welcome step away from the mania that preceded it. I knew, though, that I wanted to spend some decent amount of time in one place, so I did just that. I went back to London and packed up my dorm over a few weeks, the last days of which being when I started this blog.

Now, the time ahead is as uncertain as ever but remains very exciting. There’s travel, time with friends, work and study to come, if all goes according to my ramshackle plan. Everything is, though, very much up in the air, and in all honesty, I can feel that excitement beginning to wane. With that, I long for certainty and security and stillness, but until then, I’ll settle for the amazing opportunities that lie ahead.